I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
