tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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