I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
