in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I did not marry a roomba.
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