I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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