New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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