Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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