hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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