The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
