just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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