Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
