my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
