He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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