You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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