i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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