My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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