I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
