Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
