i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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