Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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