So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
