I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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