Don't make out with my wife yet
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
