this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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