she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
