Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
