Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
