So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
