it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
