he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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