please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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