Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
