she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
