Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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