Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
