Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
