I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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