2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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