1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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