the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
