You just made me feel so damn special
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well I just put wine in my tea
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
