just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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