Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
