You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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