I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
