YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
