My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
