took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
