I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
