as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
