just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
